Friend(ships)

It has been quite a while since my last post, I feel so guilty. I was completely uninspired by everything. I yet have the faintest idea of what to write to you... but here goes nothing. Last night I was watching the film Bridesmaids (I had full blown tears from the laughter) while the events that unfold in the movie is a tad far-fetched; it is after all a movie, the core message behind it made me think.While this year is quickly coming to a close, I can’t help but think of all the events that have happened, both the good and the bad that have led me to right now. In the movie the main character is struggling to find a purpose after she loses her business, her boyfriend and seemingly her best friend, while fittingly being a bridesmaid. I always think about how events like this apply to the real world, whether it’s personal or just a generic concept that we all face at some point or another. I have been blessed with some pretty great friends, some of which have drifted apart, some of which are my best friends to this day, and in between there have been a flow of acquaintances whose mere purpose it was to teach me a lesson, and then there is the best friend whom luckily happens to be my boyfriend.

We all evolve and change and soon some of the common interest that binds us is no longer shared. There comes a moment when friendship just turns into a “ship” that’s sailed. I guess what I’m trying to say all dramatically is that it’s OK to let some people go, it’s OK to not always be number 1 in your friends life. I have had some great friendships dissolve into the yearly “Happy Birthday,” and Christmas card spool, but I cherish every moment I had with them and smile at the memories. Next year proves to be an exciting and life changing one for me I hope (eventually I’ll reveal the news), that will test friendships and loyalty, and will afford me the opportunity to meet new ones. I have no idea how this post turned into the analytical friendship piece that it did, but I have realized that I don’t have to be the girl that gets invited to everything or be the friend that has to be in contact with them everyday (shout out to you J.P.- inside joke) to be considered or to consider them a “best friend.” What did you think of the movie? What are your thoughts on change in friendships? I'd love to hear.

I leave you with this quote from Bridesmaids, it’s gratuitous but I just had to.

 “This is the first time I've seen you look ugly, and that makes me happy!”

 I’m feeling inspired and hopefully my post don’t come with huge gaps of time in between. 

Ciao,

Fear [Noun] Fear [Verb]

Fear is defined as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. (Dictionary.com)

A few months ago I was sitting under the hair dryer in my hair stylist home (Rollers and all) confined to my chair, hands gripping at my phone in case I needed to call for help. There was a massive lizard (ok, ok more on the smaller side) on the ground staring back at me I kid you not.  Those who know me well are fully aware of my paralyzing fear of lizards. Not to over dramatize the story, but when my hairdresser came back into the room, I was on the verge of tears. I can certainly look back now and laugh, but at the moment I was consumed by FEAR. 

I was thinking today about fear, which led me to write this post. While being afraid of lizards seems preposterous, so many people are held back by fear. It can be something tangible (like lizards) or psychological: fear of heights, fear of being alone, fear of failure, etc. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t afraid of lizards. I’m well aware that I’m more powerful, stronger and bigger than a measly lizard but it is something more than that. Aside from this fear, I must admit I’m more afraid of failure… there I said it! I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of being inadequate and just another regular person. It’s funny how our minds have this overwhelming power to hold us back. Fear is a powerful thing. An old Japanese proverb says, “Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.” Our minds have the capacity to restrict us from taking a leap, from skating over our fears and overcoming them. We are the only obstacles restricting ourselves from achieving success.

I wonder why are we afraid? Gosh that’s a loaded question I suppose. But really, I think I have limited myself from doing things because I’m scared. Aren’t we all a little afraid of something? Doesn’t that emotion have to be valid; I mean in my case it drives me, because I don’t want to be a failure, so I have no choice but to overcome it. Now lizards? Hmm honey that’s going to need some coaxing cause there is no chance in hell I’m getting near one. lol (see in this case my mind is way more powerful). I vow to take more chances, fear will not  hinder me from doing things that I love. Camping however, is nowhere near future :)

            The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but it is fear. – Ghandi

Here are a few quotes regarding fear, that I thought were notable:

"Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not." - Virgil Thomson


"Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out."-Karl Augustus Menninger

I want to know what you are afraid of? How will you overcome it?

Ciao,

The Invisible bully...

I had an a-ha moment just the other day, while driving to work. I was listening to the new Taylor Swift album (guilty pleasure) and it just hit me BAM!! So many things came into clarity.  I’d like to think it was a divine intervention, or perhaps it was just Swift’s heartfelt lyrics in Dear John, but I came to the conclusion that life is an invisible bully knocking you down, but you have to keep getting up and mending your knees (you can quote me on that :)) Great thing about a new year is the ability to start fresh. I've thrown out the list of resolutions because quite frankly I just can't stick to them. I have however, made a pact with myself; a contract of sort seems more legitimate. I'm tackling my invisible bully head on and saying arrivederci! Life is going to continue knocking you down, shoving you and breaking you but it's all about getting back up! I must admit 2010 was a bittersweet year for me. Most of the good things happened these last few months, but I have learned a great deal from my failures and unfortunately, those whom disappointed me. Failure is the foundation of success. Without failure you have no comparison, no guidelines or lessons, no real appreciation for the success. So here are just two of the steps I’m gearing to follow for myself.

 Step one: I have learned what I don't like about myself and I'm en route to changing it! Whew, easier said than done, but hey recognizing the problem is the first step.

Step 2: No more saying sorry... well when it is necessary of course I will. Let me explain, I find myself constantly apologizing to people who don't need and apology!!!! Sometimes, you have to STAND UP to your convictions. I say sorry to mend things even when it's not my fault, I and only I, allow myself to be pushed and taunted by others, oh no more!

 As I mentioned before in my previous post, I have no idea about what life has in store for me, but I’m armed with my shield, with my mind and an intense power to be the best me possible. If you don’t like something change it! If you’re not happy in your relationships change it! I’m figuring the keyword here is change and for most people that’s a scary thought, but I embrace change… As I wiped the tears from my face arriving to work after my A-Ha moment, I felt at ease. I had a tough emotional last year but oops if I offend SCREW it. JUST LIVE.

I have included the lyrics to Dear John from the Speak Now album; hopefully if it applies it would help you too…

Oh tell me what’s your invisible bully?

Dear John

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps, praying the floor wont fall through
Again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine

You paint me a blue sky
And go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules everyday
Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone
Tonight
Well I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
I should have known

Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it's you and you're sick need to give love and take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home

Dear John, I see it all now, it was wrong
Don't you think 19's too young to be played by your dark twisted games
When I loved you so
I should have known

You are an expert at "sorry"
And keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you've run dry have tired, lifeless eyes
Cause you burned them out
But I took your matches before fire could catch me
So don't look now
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town...

Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress wrote you a song
You should have known
You should have known

Don't you think I was too young?
You should have known...